Funny not-names

So this is what  I have decided to call this series of amusing names that aren't names but should be!


Next up (as submitted for approval by my friend Cooper)


"Squigie le Greens"


As in the guy who removes water from a putting surface....nice.


Others in the back log (and I will allow you to make up your own origin/inspiration story)  include:


Aricey Sink
Cubby Woase


Feel free to submit your own!

Summer pick-me-up anyone?

Since we don't seem to be getting much of a summer I thought I would redirect you to something summery and uplifting:

What can you say? Fabulous.

First micro blog post! Though it is quite long....

I have decided to fly in the face of convention! I am quite sure I won't be the first but I don't know many people doing this....little, tiny blog posts!


I realise Twitter is a dedicated micro blogging site but I just thought this could work also!


So, as I now realise this is getting too long to be considered a micro blog, I will move swiftly on with my first in what will be - I hope - an amusing series of posts:


Funny names that should be names and sound like names but aren't names....got to come up with a better name than that (athankyou)


This came up on my twitter feed -


"Dr Pepper Snapple takes Dublin bottler to court"


This of course refers to the beverage but...imagine going to see that Doctor!

Artificial Intelligence; The Day the War Began

Please take the time to watch the video below before we begin:

Creepy. Genuinely creepy yes? Not just creepy though, sinister and more than a little disconcerting! The slipping on the ice bit? Tell me you didn't shiver!


'Big Dog' from Boston Dynamics is funded by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) in the hopes that it will be able to serve as a robotic pack mule to accompany soldiers in terrain too rough for conventional vehicles. Instead of wheels or treads, Big Dog uses four legs that contain a variety of sensors, including joint position and ground contact.


Ok...that sounds...ok. Does it though?!


Also in development by Boston Dynamics is Atlas

Ehhhhhhh what?! Sorry has no one at Boston Dynamics seen Terminator? (the movie in which robots try to wipe out mankind) That is a Terminator with no head...that is all that is! They have even posed it the same way as the Terminator promo statues!

It's fine though! The computers required to run robots as advanced as these are large, as are the battery packs..doesn't that make them cumbersome and not really suitable for mass production? Anyway its not as if they can turn on us! Once we program them they can't learn new skills or new ways of thinki.....what sorry? Oh..

Enter cloud robotics AKA Skynet (another Terminator reference.)

"Cloud robotics," would allow robots to offload computer-intensive tasks like image processing and voice recognition and even download new skills instantly, Matrix-style (yes that's right the same Matrix in which robots enslave mankind.)

According to James Kuffner, a professor at Carnegie Mellon currently working at Google, cloud-enabled robots could offload CPU-heavy tasks to remote servers, relying on smaller and less power-hungry onboard computers. Even more promising, the robots could turn to cloud-based services to expand their capabilities.

So we have robots being developed for the military, some of which look like Terminators that could potentially start to learn as they are all linked up to what is, ostensibly, a hive mind?

Seriously, if you have watched Terminator, The Matrix or any number of post apocalyptic man vs machine sci fi movies, this should all seem eerily familiar and if you haven't then I recommend that you do to pick up survival tips.

I have had many conversations with friends about this phenomenon.  We really do seem to want to push technology in directions foretold (or forewarned) in old sci fi novels.  Is it a lack of imagination now, seriously inspired fiction from the past or is it coincidence?

As one friend said, maybe someone should write about a cure for some horrible disease now...it seems a sure fire way to ensure we invent it in the future!

If "the machines" do become self aware and turn on us though, let us all redirect them to 0:36 secs into our opening video and hopefully they will go look for that guy who kicked big dog in the side.

The Shape of Reviews to Come

So! I said I would occasionally do some film reviews.  This article won’t actually be a review but rather a foreword on reviews to come - a kind of ‘this is how it’s going to be, you may/may not like it.’ The thing is you all have access to review sites, magazines, and sections of the newspapers, all of which will approach a film review with more journalistic panache and industry insight than I can provide you with here blah blah blah!

Movie critics....lighten up.

However, if you’re anything like me, well….you just don’t read them! They are too long, try to be too clever and – to be honest –are usually loaded with so much of the reviewer’s personal taste that it can lead people to like or, more importantly, dislike the film before they have even seen it! That being the case there isn’t much point me trying to compete or replicate such reviews, nor would I want to.

The problem, as I see it, is that (a) current reviews often apply a critical template entirely unsuitable for the type of film being reviewed and – as mentioned before – stack the deck against the film in viewers minds and (b) – perhaps as a consequence of (a) -  it is becoming increasingly en vogue to think that some films should be more than they need to be i.e. people become overly harsh about certain films because they think that to ‘like,’ or even just be entertained by them, is culturally or socially unacceptable!

This isn’t all to say that you can’t have legitimate criticisms of a film it’s just that sometimes it feels like people almost want to dislike a certain kind of film. If it’s expected to be low brow or ‘popcorn’ it seems it can’t be given any kind of kudos.  I think a lot of this stems from our review system and movie culture and that old adage ‘everyone’s a critic.’ How can you review Fast and the Furious 5 and The Kings Speech and score both on the same scale? It can’t work like that.  There is a time and a place for both AND an audience for both.  Just because someone likes action movies and not historical dramas doesn’t make their taste or views on film any less valid. And, I should stress, vice versa.

So what is the alternative? Well I think instead of ‘scoring’ films I’m simply going to talk about them.  I won’t necessarily call them ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but will simply state who I believe will enjoy them regardless of genre, pedigree, hype or budget.  Of course despite this I will obviously give some of my personal opinion on what a film does well but I will try and avoid, where possible, from creating any kind of bias in your minds…..and if you disagree with me….your wrong!

Steve

What’s in a name; or how it’s your parents fault you’re a baddie!

The other day my fiancée accused me of over thinking something.  Now I should point out that this is not a criticism usually levelled at me as I am more often prone to spontaneity (some translate as lack of organisation) and have a great ability to disengage my brain at will.

The problem really is films, tv programmes and books.  I have an annoying habit of breaking them down and pulling out all the inconsistencies, plot holes or generally things that just don’t make sense to me. 

Hi I'm Wormtongue, I'm just here to read your meter.

Now, you might be thinking, ‘But surely that’s a good thing!  We need to hold film makers to account over something that we pay hard earned money to watch and that they receive money by the bucket load to make!”  And you are right…or at least you would be about 90…well maybe 80% of the time.  The problem comes, however, when I get caught up on something so moronically pedantic that I’m (almost) embarrassed to give it voice.

This brings me back to my fiancée’s criticism.  The following is, essentially, a transcript of the conversation:

Me: (out of the blue) why would someone have a bad sounding name from birth?

Fiancee: What? You mean like (edited out so as not to cause offence)?

M: No I don’t mean an ugly name I mean an evil name?

F: What?

M: I mean, you pretty much nail your colours to the mast with that one don’t you!

F: Seriously, what?

M: Like in Lord of the Rings you’ve got Wormtongue…WORMTONGUE! How did they not know that dude was bad! Victor von Doom is another one; he wasn’t exactly becoming a teacher was he!

F: Oh my goodness you’re not even talking about real people. They are characters from films and comic books…..let it go!

M: No but my point is that they with names like those it was a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy surely? And we can’t then be surprised when they turn out to be villians?

F: But they have bad names because they are bad.  The creator of the character did it on purpose.

M: Yeah but in real life..

F: It isn’t real life though!

M: But still it’s a chicken and egg scenario! If you call your kid Narcissa (Harry Potter ref.) they are gonna be a baddie! And that’s another thing…Harry Potter! Why would you have a school house whose only purpose appeared to be fostering bad guys? Eh?

F: They aren’t all bad in Slytherin though and anyway you’re missing the point it’s just a plot device of course it wouldn’t happen in the real world!

M: Still I feel I have made my point.

F: You really haven’t. This was silly.

Ironically it was after this she told me I was over thinking things.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that for every valid criticism I have of films or books I usually end up having some pretty weird (stupid?) ones.  It’s just the way my mind works.  This was just one of those fun, debatable topics that came up (I’m sure you have experienced the same!)

DISCLAIMER: THE NEXT FEW SENTENCES CONTAIN A SPOILER ON THE UPCOMING FILM ‘GREEN LANTERN’…IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SPOIL IT JUST ASSUME THE REST OF THE ARTICLE IS WITTY AND INSIGHTFULLY CONCLUSIVE AND STOP READING NOW.

I reckon most of you will probably agree with my fiancee on this one but I still maintain my point is valid!  Case in point will be the upcoming film ‘The Green Lantern,’ I mean his mentor’s name is Sinestro….Sinister..oh..I mean come on.

Steve

Hello world!

Hello indeed! Welcome to my new blog 'Mind on a Page!' As is obvious this is my first post on this new blog and, as the title suggests, it will feature my semi structured ramblings - essentially my thoughts spilled out as the written word - on various topics!


Now this might seem like a fairly vague concept for a blog, and in some respects it is!  If, however, you like movies, games, music, technology, surfing, snowboarding, rugby or other sports or just other topical........topics, then hopefully I will write something that you can agree with, mock, comment on, laugh at or ignore at some stage!


So I suppose my intention is to occasionally review film, music or tech - or at least write up to date articles on them - pass on information,  explore my views on something or someone (hopefully initiating discussion) and go on the occasional rant - though if you ask those closest to me it might veer off from occasional town and drive straight up 'all too often' avenue! Ha ha....anyway.


What I don't want this to be (or become) is anything but fun; fun for me to write and you to read.  The minute that happens I will throw my head back and storm off and my long dancers fingers will never darken the surface of another keyboard again....well, maybe that is a bit rash but..seriously..lets keep things light.


Steve


PS to get us started here is a funny picture of something not relevant to anything!